Imagination

I roll with the impulse, the impulse guides me/ I long for the normal, but the normal's beside me/ Or rather bereft, I only feel it in steps/ And when I stumble, then I tumble, then it's onto the next/ I think about Uncle Robert, all his brother's had left/ So he drank, tried to hold, and put one in his head/ Met em at the gates, either heaven or hell/ I pray that it's the former, that his pain had dispelled/ I think about Adam, died banging a flag/ In and out of juvie, rage masking the sad/ Remember we was young, were inseparable friends/ You were still too young, what a regrettable end/ I love you lil cousin, put that on our niece/ I shoulda went to your grave, I just didn't believe/ Couldn't bring myself to see, you at negative feet/ Shannon wiping tears, I woulda wished it was me/

/For every blunt rolled, I wish I'da passed/ For every pill popped, I wish it would last/ Wish Mom could look and crack a smile when I pass/ And not worry when I'll crash and if tomorrow's my last/ Not look into my eyes and be reminded of Dad/ So she wouldn't have to hide another sigh when she laughed/ Wish I didn't love him, never knew he exist/ That my name wasn't his, that I wasn't his kid/ I envy all my friends that never knew of their father/ If it's gone, you never know, no memories haunt ya/ Don't dwell in your brain, and continually taunt ya/ Like Dad, not again, goddammit you promised/ Ain't picking up the phone, start praying he's coming/ Like what's more important than your boy who is suffering/ For the umpteenth time, as if it matters or something/ What is this time, your high or busy with fucking/

/ I imagine being Mom, growin up like she did/ Her momma working two jobs, her daddy is lit/ He's another pint in, then forgets where he is/ Grandma 's getting pissed and it again goes to shit/ Sees her grandmother and that woman is skizted/ Committed down state, pilled up to her lips/ Visit after visit, she eventually goes/ Never heard much after, though I imagine it's cold/ Turns a teenager, she fights and get's high/ Can't blame her there, it's why I never asked why/ Graduates, get's a job, works her way up the ladder/ Her momma left her pops and remarried thereafter/ Vietnam Vet., another victim of history/ Left his heart there, tried to fill it with whiskey/ So Mom picks him off the couch just one more time/ Carries him to the tub,fights the tears in her eyes/